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SHIT from George Carlin
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Shit is a powerful word. Just think of all the
concepts and ideas you can communicate with it. Shit
may just be the most powerful word in the English language.
Consider: You can be shit faced, be shit out of luck,
or have shit for brains. With a little effort you
can get your shit together, find a place for your shit
or decide to shit or get off the pot. You can smoke
shit, buy shit, sell shit, lose shit, find shit, forget
shit, and tell others to eat shit and die.
You can shit or go blind, have a shit fit or just shit
your life away. People can be shit headed, shit for brains,
shit blinded, shit over or shit on. Some people know their
shit while others don't know the difference between shit
and shineola.
There are lucky shits, dumb shits, crazy shits, and
sweet shits. There is bull shit, dog shit, cat shit,
bird shit, whale shit, rat shit, and horse shit.
There is tough shit, hard shit, soft shit, slimy shit,
rough shit, limp shit. You can shit a blue streak,
shit bricks, shit pink twinkies, shit marbles, or shit
your guts out.
You can throw shit, sling shit, catch shit, or duck
when the shit hits the fan. You can take a shit, give
a shit, keep shit or serve shit on a shingle. You
can find yourself in deep shit, or be happier than a
pig in shit.
Some days are colder than shit, some days are hotter
than shit, and some days are just plain shitty.
There is funny shit and sad shit, bad shit and
good shit. Some shit doesn't stink while other
things really smell like shit.
Some music sounds like shit, things can look like
shit, and there are times when you feel like shit.
You can be faster than shit or you can be slower
than shit. Sometimes you'll find shit on a stick,
sometimes you'll find shit everywhere, and then there
are times when you can't find shit at all. You can
have too much shit, not enough shit, the right shit,
the wrong shit or a lot of weird shit.
You can carry shit in a bucket, put shit in a barrel,
have a pile of shit, have a mountain of shit, have a
river of shit, or find yourself up shit creek without
a paddle. You can slice shit, spread shit, dunk shit
or jump shit, and some people just can't cut the shit.
There is fun shit and dull shit, silly shit and
serious shit. Sometimes you really need this shit
and sometimes you don't want any shit at all.
You can stir shit, kick shit or stick your ass out
the window and shit on the world. Sometimes
everything you touch turns to shit and other times you
swim in a lake of shit and come out smelling like a rose.
Shit! When you stop to consider all the facts,
it's the basic building block of creation. This
means the universe did not begin with a BIG BANG
but rather with a BIG DUMP. Keep that in mind the
next time you flush the toilet. And remember, once
you know your shit, you don't need to know anything else.
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